You Think Airport Security Is Rough? Wait Until The "Officers" Probe Your ANUS!
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Clarence Thomas
2011-07-07 18:07:59 UTC
Raw Message
When will we begin to see the Rectal Examination Booths at our

And will they be manned, or womaned, by certified proctologists?

"US warns airlines: Terrorists interested in surgically implanting
bombs in humans for attacks"

By Associated Press
July 6, 2011

WASHINGTON — Airlines are being warned by the government that
terrorists are considering surgically hiding bombs inside humans to
evade airport security. As a result, travelers may find themselves
subjected to more scrutiny when flying in the heart of summer vacation
season, especially to the U.S. from abroad.

The FBI and Homeland Security Department sent a memo to security
officials around the country on Wednesday about “body packing,”
describing it as a “criminal tactic with possible terrorist

The memo, obtained by The Associated Press, cited a 2005 incident in
which Colombian men were accused of surgically implanting narcotics
into human couriers.

The memo offered possible indicators of surgically implanted
contraband, including a distended stomach or other unusual bulging,
and visible physical discomfort from a pat-down.

Bombs-in-the-body is not a new idea, but recent intelligence indicates
a fresh interest in using this method. People-scanning machines in
airports aren’t able to detect explosives hidden inside humans. Still,
there is no current information that points to a specific plot
involving surgically implanted explosives, a U.S. security official
said, speaking on condition of anonymity to discuss such sensitive

As airport security has increased since the Sept. 11, 2001, terror
attacks, so has the terrorists’ creativity in developing methods to
get around it. Aviation continues to be a special target, and evidence
from Osama bin Laden’s compound showed that the al-Qaida leader
retained his fascination with attacking airplanes until his death in

Last year, it was reported that British officials uncovered
intelligence that al-Qaida was seeking to surgically implant bombs
inside people, a move some believed was prompted by the use of full-
body imaging machines at major airports around the world.

“This is something we’ve been concerned about for quite some time,”
said J. Bennet Waters, a security consultant with the Washington, D.C.-
based Chertoff Group and a former Transportation Security
Administration official in the Bush administration.

The U.S. government has been working with foreign air carriers and
governments to identify ways to discover hidden explosives, including
bombs potentially hidden inside of humans. Officials did not want to
discuss specific security measures under consideration so as not to
tip off terrorists who could seek ways to get around them.

Once a terrorist finds a willing suicide bomber, secures the explosive
material and makes the bomb, carrying off this tactic is not that
difficult, said Chris Ronay, a former chief of the FBI explosives

“It’s rather easy and the damage could be rather severe,” Ronay said.

Surgery to implant explosives could be done a couple of days before a
planned attack, said James Crippin, an explosives expert in Colorado.
In order for it to work, there would need to be a detonation device,
and it’s conceivable that if the explosive was implanted in a woman’s
breast, the detonator could be underneath the breast so that all the
operative would have to do is press downward, Crippin said.

But Jimmie C. Oxley, a chemistry professor at the University of Rhode
Island and explosives expert, said it would be tough to carry out such
an effort successfully. She said there are only so many places to hide
a bomb in the body, and a suicide bomber would have to recover enough
from the surgery to travel and set off the device.

The al-Qaida offshoot in Yemen has emerged as the most inventive
terror organization these days and has been behind two plots that
nearly brought down planes over the U.S. The group, known as al-Qaida
in the Arabian Peninsula, or AQAP, was behind the Christmas Day attack
in 2009 when a Nigerian hid a bomb in his underpants and nearly
brought down an airliner over Detroit.

AQAP operatives also concealed bombs in printer cartridges last
October, shipping them to Chicago addresses. That attack was thwarted
because of specific intelligence about the plot.

In late December, the U.S. received intelligence that the Yemen group
was considering hiding explosives in the insulated lining of beverage
containers and carrying them aboard airplanes. There was no
information pointing to a specific plot with insulated beverage
containers, but, like the recent intelligence about the implanted bomb
tactic, the Transportation Security Administration warned domestic and
foreign carriers to be on the lookout.

“Due to the significant advances in global aviation security in recent
years, terrorist groups have repeatedly and publicly indicated
interest in pursuing ways to further conceal explosives,” TSA
spokesman Nick Kimball said, adding that passengers flying into the
U.S. may notice additional security. “Measures may include interaction
with passengers, in addition to the use of other screening methods
such as pat-downs and the use of enhanced tools and technologies.”

Officials would not specify which terrorist organizations are thought
to be considering this surgical tactic.

White House spokesman Jay Carney said U.S. counterterrorism efforts
must evolve as terror groups publicly indicate their interest in
finding ways to conceal explosives.

“The idea that terrorists have been looking for other ways to
circumvent security measures to target aircraft is not at all
surprising,” Carney said.


[Associated Press writer Julie Pace contributed to this report.]

2011-07-07 19:58:37 UTC
Raw Message
"Bombs in implants? We’re letting the terrorists win"

By Alexandra Petri
July 7, 2011

Do implants pose more of a health risk than we thought? Implant bombs?
You have got to be kidding me. Usually you don’t want your implants to
explode. It causes embarrassment at the audition.

But this diabolical stratagem should be included in the potential
arsenal of terror, according to some experts.

It is now being reported that terrorists could well have plans to
implant bombs into their bodies. Bombs hidden in D-cups? What won’t
they think of next? In response to this new threat, some expect
security to ratchet up, although I have difficulty imagining how.

“I’m going to need you to remove those before stepping through the
scanner,” the attendants will say to Hugh Hefner’s escorts.

“I am not ogling you, madam, I am trying to analyze the situation for
concealed threats,” men will say at bars. “To do otherwise would be to
let the terrorists win.”

I look forward to being gleefully manhandled by the TSA. “Doesn’t feel
like a bomb,” the baffled blue-shirted woman with clammy hands and the
approximate dimensions of Rhode Island will mutter. “But maybe you
should get that lump examined.”

Forget the old chestnut about how “if terrorists really want to bother
air passengers, they shouldn’t bring bombs! Bring a crying baby
instead, or attempt to assemble one mid-flight.” This is much worse.
They are planning to conceal weapons in All That Is Good And Beautiful
In Life.

When will terrorists stop potentially embedding bombs in things we
actually like and need, and start coming up with plans to, say,
weaponize Hummel dolls and Thomas Kincade paintings? Perhaps this
comes up at meetings when Incompetent Randall plans to do diabolical
things with those singing gag gift bass. “Don’t get those banned from
airports,” Project Manager Carl says. “That would be letting America

But where can they go from here? What headlines would be more

Terrorists are planning to implant bombs in the Space Between Spaces?
Terrorists are planning to implant bombs in “Inception,” if you ever
play it on board an airline, but only on the snow fortress level?
Terrorists are planning to implant bombs in their inmost thoughts and
most private memories?

Can we agree we’ve reached the limit?

Machines now scan our entire exteriors for concealed weaponry. Must
they look into our interiors, too? Leaving aside the fact that this
might be a nifty solution to our health-care problem — free CAT scan,
mammogram and colonoscopy whenever you travel, for security reasons —
this has moved beyond the realm of parody into whatever realm is
beyond parody, maybe Narnia. Clearly nothing is too absurd to be
considered a threat by the TSA. As I type this, they are no doubt
soberly removing all copies of “Inception” from airports.

Scan our outsides? Done. Scan our insides? Probably next.

Look into our heads? Never. That would be too ridiculous.

2011-07-07 19:45:02 UTC
Raw Message
Richard B. Cheney
2011-07-08 14:34:39 UTC
Raw Message
I don't consider any part of the war on terrorism private anymore. So
I say punch, probe and poke all Muslim-looking 'rabs as much as

Actually, no Islamic types should even be allowed to approach a U.S.

I'd tell 'em, "Go fuck yourself!"
Bobo Cuccinelli
2011-07-08 19:34:41 UTC
Raw Message
If I have an orgasm while my rectum is being reamed by the TSA people,
will I owe the government a pleasure tax?
2011-07-09 20:48:30 UTC
Raw Message
2011-07-11 23:13:14 UTC
Raw Message
I might finally get an orgasm if the probes are done correctly.
the Duck of Deth
2012-06-04 23:01:14 UTC
Raw Message
Clarence Thomas <***@yahoo.com>, beloved of its/her/his mother,
squalled the following in alt.sex.anal: (May a benevolent deity have
mercy on the rest of us...)
Post by Clarence Thomas
When will we begin to see the Rectal Examination Booths at our
And will they be manned, or womaned, by certified proctologists?
Why? Does it make a difference?

-- to you //getting off//, that is?

Me, I could care less. But I understand that others are *more
particular* when it comes to ... whatever.
"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from
mediocre minds. The latter (mediocre minds) cannot understand it
when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices
but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence."
-- Albert Einstein

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